Expression of release

Went for walk with Zoe, Jenn & Griza in Albert Dock AGAIN. The 4th times i been there, and not feeling bored yet, the night view of Albert Dock is juz simple attractive. Anyway this not gonna update the silly-dumbly pictures we took in the street, not getting it from Griza and Jenn's cameras yet.

I love the walk alone in the big busy city centre, not only in Liverpool, in KL too. Of course Liverpool's comfort weather encourages me to walk even more. While girls were bz taking picture, i walked along the dock and feel the feeling of alone. The alone here of course is positive kind of alone, alone can be understand as freedom sometime :)

This kind of mood made me recall lot of memories, with family, friends, people, everything and anything, and including him. Well am not trying to talk bout him here, is enough to do so in my old blog. Juz wanna express the miss in my heart :). Yea i'm not deny am missing him, hmmm.. or i should say am missing the old-sweet-days?

I'm realize he's not in my heart, he lost the power to bring my mood ups and downs that he did in last time. Am not missing him, but miss the days we spent together, just like i miss the happy days spent with my cousin and friends. He has become the part of my memories but not all of my memories anymore.

Forgiveness is a gift i give myself. At the moment, i'm feel am free from the prison :)

The part of my memories

--------------------

KC - Love does not measure, it juz gives. U owe me nth, so release urself too :)

--------------------

Liverpool, UK
20080730, 1154pm
Rach in release mood

Zoe's Birthday

Here i post wat i had promise, karaoke for celebrated Zoe's birthday!

Anyway this gonna be another picture's blog, lazy to blog, sleepy~~

The princess of the day ~ Zoe Chan Timun ahahahahah :P


Ivan is singing, we are photo-ing


Leave Jane (too bad v don't hv a group picture)

The karaoke including foods, and here is the foods section, and the main point is, IS CHINESE FOODS! i miss mummy cooking :(






Each kisses from each people, wish you happy birthday ya Timun! We love you! Muarcckkk..

Tong Xue Ai~

p/s: Woon Seong Hock, see la, ur gf hv the other one in UK la! ahahahha

Mrs. Cook here LOL

Wat i'm currently listen to. Keep playing this song for almost a month. Gosh i fancy David Cook! he's mine! :)



Always Be My Baby - David Cook Music Code


We were as one babeFor a moment in timeAnd it seemed everlastingThat you would always be mine
Now you want to be freeSo I'm letting you flyCause I know in my heart babeOur love will never dieNo!
You'll always be a part of meI'm a part of you indefinitelyGirl don't you know you can't escape meOoh darling cause you'll always be my babyAnd we'll linger onTime can't erase a feeling this strongNo way you're never gonna shake meOoh darling cause you'll always be my baby
I ain't gonna cry noAnd I won't beg you to stayIf you're determined to leave girlI will not stand in your wayBut inevitably you'll be back againCause ya know in your heart babeOur love will never end no
You'll always be a part of meI'm part of you indefinitelyGirl don't you know you can't escape meOoh darling cause you'll always be my babyAnd we'll linger onTime can't erase a feeling this strongNo way you're never gonna shake meOoh darling cause you'll always be my baby
I know that you'll be back girlWhen your days and your nights get a little bit colder oooohhhI know that, you'll be right back, babeOoooh! baby believe me it's only a matter of time
You'll always be a part of meI'm part of you indefinitelyGirl don't you know you can't escape meOoh darling cause you'll always be my babyAnd we'll linger onTime can't erase a feeling this strongNo way you're never gonna shake meOoh darling cause you'll always be my my baby....
You'll always be a part of me (you will always be)I'm part of you indefinitelyGirl don't you know you can't escape meOoh darling cause you'll always be my babyAnd we'll linger on (we will linger on....)Time can't erase a feeling this strongNo way you're never gonna shake meOoh darling cause you'll always be my baby
Always be my baby

Another 24 hours for the deadline, and i dunno wat i wrote in my shitty essay.

Liverpool, UK
20080726, 0933am
Rach in Mrs. Cook mood.

Video share

found this in my folder, make me laugh while rushing the bloody assignment. The proof of fool around with my housemates :)

cheer~

Liverpool, UK
20080726, 0927am
Rach in a little bit happy mood :)

back to figth with dying heart

Friday night.

Sound fun and relax right, yea it is, only it's not for me :(

I spent 2 days for do nothing but only watched cartoon, eat and sleep to recover my mood. So today i getting better, and i think i better catch up my assignment which gonna pass up in this coming monday. No worries my dears, i will not give up, i still will try all my best to complete this assignment, as i said, am in half way, i can only move forward.

Was web-caming with Elaine for few hours this noon, cheer bit after chat with her, i really missed the old days gossiping with her and Eva, how wish i can fly back to M'sia and get back my old day at this moment.

I still struggle for my assignment, not even start the 1st point yet, and i dunno how am i going to complete this essay. I dunno wat the question asking about, i scare to guess wat my lecturer expect to see in my essay, till the end, i do nothing still, although u hv a ton of assignments are coming one by one.

Anyway went for karaoka and dinner with housemates last night, for celebrated Zoe's birthday and i really need to dump all things beside to relax. 8 of us enjoyed very much and we took lots of picture, will updated soon, perhaps after monday :).

faceless Rach as Stefen & Elaine both say i'm look ill.

Pray for me friends, c ya.

------------------------

Zoe - Mrs. Woon, happy birthday la!
Elaine - Thx darling for spending time for me :)

Sunny - Sorry kid i was rushing this morning, perhap next week could hv a nice chat with ya.
Stefen - Good luck will come after all the bad luck :)

------------------------

- unforgettable moment happened, someone has replace the old memories.
- nvr expect she's such a double-faces and selfishness people.

- still feel uncertainly for my future.

Liverpool, UK

20080725, 1104pm

Rach in down-down mood.

Dying

this gonna b no-photo-blog, i hv no mood to take photo.

Lecturers gave us a short talk regarding our mini thesis after the class today. Obviously because most of us get low mark in this mini thesis, and this carry 24 credit hours.

Although am not the lowest one, am actually in quite ok marks if compare with the rest, but this is still out of my expected mark, i planned to catch up my credit hours in this mini thesis and i really try my best of the best to do it. I tried to b ok after i get back my assignment, juz dun want my gals worry bout me, but i cant control to b moody. This is the 1st time i feel pressure untill dropping my tears. Not for regret to not putting enough effort, but i dunno wat to do to get the higher mark. I done all i can do, i cant stop asking myself that am i tat stupid? I'm not deserve to get higher marks? Just.. wat should i do..?

I feel like cant even handle the Uni's assignment, how am i going to handle my work in the future? I really doutb on my ability, how am i going to complete the rest of the assignments? i'm really lost my confidence. No matter how hard i tried, how many effort i put into my assignments, i'm still in this level. Only maintaining, not improving at all.

I dunno how to complete my next assignment and thesis. I'm totally lost, i dunno wat's the examiner looking for in my assignment, even though i did consulted them, i dunno wat should i produce in the assignment, i feel hell stress, i dare not to start my next assignment yet, i dunno what should i do, what's the problem on me in producing the assignment.

-----------------------

SeePin - sorry i know i scared u, i'll b alright, thx for understanding gal :)
God - am i juz simply stupid?

-----------------------

- I'm repeating my high school's life. Eat and vomit.
- Migraine is killing me, i feel like dying.
- I'm dying.. i juz cant breath.. i dunno how to release the stress..


Liverpool, UK
20080723, 0455pm
Rach in dying mood.

Jane's Bday & Japan's day!

Another update ALTHOUGH i'm damn bz for my assignments

19 of July~ Jane's birthday! Pictures say thousand words, wat else better than this?

Princess of the day :)

V love u Jane! Happy Bday!! (click for larger image)

The next morning, Ivan made us delicious bruschetta~

all made by Ivan and he's still available!

Ivan the chef

V were actually plan to dine out for celebrate Jane and Zoe bday, but finally v delay it to next week, at the same time v get to know bout a Japan fair nearby our Uni. So that 6 of us ahead to the fair and v really hv fun!

Kawaii neh! (click for larger image)

Japan- style-us

6 of us :D

Is a tired day and i hv to stay up to complete my assignment T.T.. i will write more in the next blog! C ya!

---------------------------

Gals & Ivan - happy house happy house happy happy happy house (Kath, 2008) :P
Mum - i'm doing well, no worries :)
Cookie - Jie jie miss u so much le kie kie :(
Jane - U r the most beautiful gal in da world!..... for today :D
---------------------------

- i hate reality T.T
- sunday, working day for me
- assignment never end :(


Liverpool, UK
20080719, 1133pm
Rach in Japan mood :)

North Wales Trip

This gonna b long entry, with lots of photos :)

today is not a easy day for me, i mean i face my greeny for 12 hours juz for rushing my presentation, coz Uni has organized a social trip for us to North Wales by yesterday, so my plan has to delay due on the trip and also tmr dine out for celebrate Jane and Zoe bday. I juz hv to get my presentation done by today, and rush my another assignment by tmr, if possible done the reading before dine out tmr.

feel extremely headache after facing greeny for 12 hours, throw out coz really dizzy. Ppl juz don worry, this is my style wen i'm tension and rushing on my coursework, i know how to handle it and i'll b fine :)

oh yea back to the trip :D

it was great and really refresh myself from the hell pressure, at least Iqbal do something good for us :P. I have no idea where's North Wales, but i definately love the place, it is hard to describe the place for u guy coz there hv no words to describe such a place like heaven! so, wat else better than photos?

the seaside

8 of us ;)
Hong, Jane, SeePin, DoDo, ChiLing, Zoe, Me & Ivan

Church in North Wales

Me :)

The view
(p/s: me in the left bottom~!)

V'r leaving from earth!

Meet a frenly folk in Wales :)

Photos finish~ back to reality... sigh...

-------------------

Elaine - welcome to blog :)
Jane - happy bday darling *muarck*
Chris - face it, dont let it b, u will die even fast.
Kok - yes is u kam-yu-lou :) thx for accompany
Carrick - i'm sorry dear i hv no time to chat with ya
Micky - b strong, u hv me

-------------------

- the rain look like snow, real scared me -.-"
- wen the assignments will over?
- god bless for my presentation.
- understand time will really ease the pain :)
- b healthy, and b happy Rachel :)


Liverpool, UK
20080719, 0006am
Rach in wishing mood.

I tot

miss home, miss my family, my little cookie, my friends, my everythings in Malaysia..

is sound weird to start my blog like this, but this is exactly wat i feeling inside my heart. Yea i admit i hv bit moody after i video call with Eva. Moody not because the matter between us, but future, but homesick.

i feel lost and uncertainly for my own future, i dunno wat i'm goin to b and wat i'm goin to do in my future. Part of the reason coz the unstable of malaysia, in politic and economy. I'm not aware how serious was it until Eva told me in the video call, and this make me recall the called with my family, i juz thinkin bout how to ask my dad to sponsor me for my backpack, but i din care bout my dad affort to or not. Feel bad and guilty that i'm not care my family enough.

dad is not young anymore, he's stubborn even he's not really healthy, i know i should trust my dad as he told me he's alright and he'll support watever i want to do, and coz the pamper from my dad, i'm not thinkin from his side and do decision by juz thinkin for myself.

i know dad is not health, he's suffering the treatment once a week and struggling to work hard for my family, and pay for the daughter in oversea. feel like burden my dad a lot, and i dunno wat to do.. I know u guyz must scold me again tat i think too much, but i cant control myself to feel guilty and miss my dad, if u guyz r really understand me, u guyz will know how my dad is important n means to me. I'm dilemma in making decision, whether to chasing my dream or goin back to m'sia, earn money and ease my dad's burden.

Worrying bout my future, worrying bout my dad, homesick and feel stress. These make me dropping my tears right now. Am fine i juz feel.. dunno wat to do.. too many things stuck in my heart and i hv no way to release. Tear drops don't mean sad sometime, it can mean lone and helpless too. I think this is wat i feeling now.

i dunno wat i'm goin to be, i even dun hv the passion to achieve my dream although i'm so near with it.

Wasn't journalist is my ambition since i'm born?

how come i feel tat's not wat i want now?

Wasn't backpacking is my dream all these years?

how come i feel hard to leave?

i miss my childhood, tat talking bout my dream with my cousin and friends.

i told them i'm goin to b journalist,

i'm goin to reveal the truth,

i'm goin to use my pen to helps the weak,

i'm goin to let my dad proud for me.

i told them i'm goin to b backpacker,

i'm goin to experiences the other cultures,

i'm goin to fly far away from malaysia,

i'm always tot, i'm not deserve in m'sia only.

yet i'm too confident on myself,

i tot i can, it's juz tot, it's not real. :)

i tot my effort will b seen soon, but it's actually not,

i tot i care n love my dad enough, but it's actually not,

i tot i'm independent and mature enought, but it's actually not,

always not, it's juz all i tot, i tot i'm, i tot i can. :)

:) Rachel, u r not as prefect as u tot.

Liverpool, UK

20080715, 0938pm

Rach in I tot mood.

Albert Dock

Another update. :)

I'm actually planed to stay at home by doing nothing since i was so damn tired after handed in the assignment by wednesday. But after all my gals going out to shopping, i felt lone (T.T).. and i saw the sun hanging out with sweet smile to asking me out for walk. Then i decided to went out without a destination.

Finally i stopped in bookshop for 2 hours, to searching some Europe information and plan for my backpack trip. I managed to buy one book tat really helpful but it cost me ₤ 11. I read half of the book but i cant rmb all those informative websites in the book, then i dilemma whether buy, or not. At the end i put it back coz it was really over my budget and mayb i will turn back if dodo and hong wanna share the book with me.

so i turned to St.Johns for some of the grocery, then i saw a old bookshop having the clear-stock sales, walked in and thx God! i found the exactly SAME book that i saw in the previous bookshop and it only cost me ₤5! Anyway it is 2005 edition, is not really updated as the 2008 one, but the content hv not much different, and the websites and informations tat provide is still the same, juz hv to check it by myself to double confirm.

₤ 5 gone but it's worth!

i come back around 5pm from bookshop and all my gals were home edy too. Once i entered my apartment, seepin suddenly open her door and asked me to go to Albert Dock with her and Marcus, so, i put down the books and some grocery, and went out again -.-"

Little information bout Albert Dock that located in the city center of Liverpool. The Albert Doci is Liverpool's number one visitor attraction, showcasing the best of Liverpool in stunning World Heritage waterfront setting. Opened by Prince Albert in 1846, the Dock includes the largest group of Grade 1 listed buildings in the UK.

one of the Albert Dock's corner ONLY!

There hv a lot of visitor attractions such as Tate Liverpool, Liverpool Duck Tours, The Beatles Story and The Merseyside Maritime Museum. Too bad we were late, the Museum was close at 5pm, 3 of us enjoyed our evening much even v were only took pictures and walked around the dock.

with Marcus - Sea view

Marcus - Me - See Pin in Albert Dock

Went to take pictures from Marcus after dinner and back to apartment, Marcus invited to go to the museum again by tomorrow and sure i agreed! i heard from Hong and Dodo said it is really interesting and attractive. So the next day both of us ahead to Museum again.

Part of the museum

Outside of the Museum - Albert Dock

We didn't take much picture coz bz visiting :), all i can say is the museum is fantastic and i think i will go once again before i leave Liverpool ;)

-------------------------------

Dad - i know u miss me le, admit it la.. ahaha
Marcus - thx ya tour guide :P
See Pin - congrate on ur new "baby"
Dodo & Hong - Happy chatting with u 2

-------------------------------

- shit, 3 deadlines in next week
- damn relax and enjoy in this 2 days
- anyone could recommend me on my backpack to Spain?

Liverpool, UK
20080712, 0136pm
Rach in relax mood :P

after the war

hi ppl ;) is Thursday morning

finally done my another assignment and hand in yesterday, i dare not to expect how many mark i'll get coz it is unexpectable, the examiners have different preference and i dunno who's goin to mark mine, more i expect more tension myself, so better let it be..

Anyway it doesn't means i dun put my effort, especially this assignment is hell important, it carry 24 credit hours yet i hv too little time on this assignment, coz i hv meeting with Zoe and i need to do 6 readings for her by monday, after the meeting juz started to do tat assignment, i hv to produce 2000 words, and this cause me only slept for 6 hours within 48 hours.

Went to shopping with Dodo, Hong and Ivan, to choosing our backpack and shoes for my backpacking plan :). Decided to buy backpack from ebag.com (there hv the best deal, check it out) and bough a pair of walking shoes, will shop for warm cloth soon. I should juz sleep right after i back from Uni and shopping, but i CANT sleep and i know y..


I cant take coffee coz it make me dizzy and heart beating fast, tea will help to keep me awake to complete my assignment, i juz dun expect it really KEEPING me awake..



a little late update of my clubbing night with gals, i dun hv any pic taken wen clubbing coz no one bring cam or phone, this is how v dressed up for the clubbing night and v really had fun! clubbing in UK is far different with malaysia, the 1st different is no smoke in indoor! cheap entry fees and cheap drink, live show, passion and friendly people in the club :)

Anyway i think i will stop for clubbing and shopping, gonna save money for my backpacking~

-------------------------

Elaine - i bring air to u.. ahahah

Eva - miss u le, where u goin?

-------------------------

- today i want do nth.. blerkk..

- where's the sun?

- lazy, and lazy, and very lazy

Liverpool, UK

20080710, 1122am

Rach in lazy mood

Fight for Europe Trip

Juz done all 6 of the readings that need to show to Zoe by meeting tmr, but it's not over yet, i have another plan and mini thesis that need to hand up by tues and wed.. i juz cant stop blaming.... Who's da fellow told me studying in LJMU is easy like hell?!Anyway i hv to continue struggling since am half way of the semester... damn how many assignments to go?!

today is Sunday without sun, the weather report says it will hv rain with lighting, i tot it juz bluff since i was waken up by the sunshine this morning, but it's rain right after i back from church, again prove that weather report from BBC is not play play ;).. although the rain is stop, but seem like it will rain again.. c da pic i capture 5 seconds before..

surprisingly i'm not feel as cold as yesterday although the weather report shows the tempature will slightly lower than yesterday. i was like in freeze last night, i wore like a dumpling again in my ROOM, feel cold even i hv put on my glove.. but today juz okay, i can even wear singlet in my apartment.

well hv very quick update 1st, went to shopping again with Zoe, bought a short jeans that i love very much, and it's cheap! hahaha although this length of jeans only can wear in indoor.. ta ta...



went to clubbing again in friday night, it cost us double up compare with weekend, but all of us enjoyed very much, but i guess i will quit for clubbing after this time, wanna save more money and plan for my Europe trip.

discuss bout Europe trip with all my housemates, and finally me and hong and dodo decided to backpacking to Europe. Save money and v can decide our destination. So we will decide the destination n book for train ticker, prepare for our backpack and send our luggage back to malaysia 1st. And all of these i cant let my parent know, or i will be kill (Jeff if u r reading this u better keep ur mouth zip, or no Asenal jessey). This is the oly thing that could cheer me up recently. ;)

well gonna end this entry n back to reality.. aihhz... a random photo of the current me ;)


-----------------------------------

Eva - happy chating with u ;) muarck!
Elaine - happy 22th bday darling, may u always pretty n happy!
Ken - drunk again and again and again will die really early, think bout it.
Babby - cant u juz stop eating junk foods huh?!

-----------------------------------

- i hv no life :(
- stress like hell, bz like cow
- oh my god i heard the lighting JUST NOW!
- am i not putting enough effort, or i'm juz simple stupid?
- depression and down.



Liverpool, UK
20080706, 0440pm
Rach in depress mood

blog happy things with crappy mood

hi :)

am not suppose to sitting here for my blog, but my essays that hv to submit by tmr, although i dy done it, but i juz feel seems like not answering the question, yet i dunno wat to do, so, i juz blogging.

this 2 days with really crappy mood, well is bout my academic, feel like tired to put so much efford yet i only get the so-so marks, am i expecting too high or this is all i can gave? Feel really down since yesterday got back the last assignment from lecturers, anyway i'm not the worst one, the marks didn't bring my mood down juz doutb on my ability to complete this degree course. I know 1st class is not easy, yet i'm not realize it is near like impossible for me...

alright juz forget about the assignment. Update bout my happy days with my gals :)

we went to Cheshire Oaks for our shopping in last Friday. We took bus and it take around 45 minutes, so exciting to take public transport in other country :D.. Yaya i know i kinda of die KL ppl, i nvr take public transport except KTM and monorial, my gals were teased me on this for long time edy ;(..

well Cheshire Oask is juz a small town, but there hv a street with many many branded shops where attract people to shop there, so of us ;).. Anyway v didn't shop too much coz v found that Liverpool have cheaper price than here, well i'm still bought my 1st glove FINALLY!!!!

Gals laugh that looks like racer's glove, well.. hmm.. i admit it, but it looks cool right? LOL i dun care i juz love it :)

well i made another joke in this morning. Finally today is the sunny day and finally i can wear my short pant to uni and feel like summer! so i only wore a t-shirt with short pant to uni. Yet i not aware today hv strong wind too, so that again prove that the sun in europe country, especially UK is fake, it looks big and hot yet the weather is damn shit cold!

while i making noise that i want to buy glove, my fren remind me wasn't i edy hv one? i juz like suddenly "dong~!!!" oh yea! i ALREADY bough one in last friday man! After i showed it to my other housemates of my new glove, i simple dump into my wardrobe with new socks tat i bought tat day too, then i forgotten i had already bought the glove.... -.-"...

Other than that, finally i bough a pair of branded sport shoes, which is Diadora (i dunno how well know of it, but my fren says is goody stuff). All because i hv to take care of my ankle, so sport shoes is always good than high heel.

Simple yet cool!

well guess how much it cost me? is juz £ 6 man! is around RM 49, and it is definately real Diadora, although i dunno how much it cost in Malaysia, but all my frens say i get the good pair one, so am happy too lo ;).. oh yea, the other brand like Nike, Adidas and etc are all cheap as only cost £ 15 to £ 40, i think i will bring back one for my bro as his next year bday present ;) (Jeff if u r reading this, go n find the model u want la, i will change my mind anytime lo~).

well my weekend is happy and enjoy with my gals, juz hope the time can stop the happy moment lo..

aheemmm.. well get reader complain y don't i post some University photos, well this is complicated coz my Uni's campus are EVERYWHERE! don't understand right, i will show u the map wen i back k ppl. Anyway i have my lecturer class in John Foster building, and my seminor in Dean Walters building. I hv to walk like 5 to 10 minutes wen changing class. So the very cin cai photos i take wen i was in Uni today.

the Dean Walters building

John Foster Building (?) the way to library

______________________________

Ken - thx for ya accompany dude ;)

Carrick - yea kinda long time din chat with u, miss ya!
Gals - love u all to the max!
Chris - find me whenever u need me le.
Sun - said u will online and where u goin huh?!

Babby - i told u not to make silly jokes lo! u tot me control the weather one ar?!

___________________________

- this is all i gave?
- feel stress like never felt b4.
- work or study?
- miss home again and again and again and again..

Liverpool, UK

20080701, 1001pm

Rach in uncertainly mood.