Grandma

i try to keep my blog update as often as i can, and i believe this is the longest time i don't have update my blog, ain't because of busy to celebrate my 22 years old birthday, but my grandma funeral.

my grandma passed away by 3rd of December, 7.18am morning. That was the eve of my birthday. My cousin and friends had actually plan me a birthday dinner by the night, for celebrating my birthday of course, and also trying to cheer me up from the sick of my grandma.

By noon of the day, i supposed to join the birthday party of my boss yet i received a call from my mom and she told me that grandma has passed away, and she wants me to back home immediately. I hang the call, and i was blank.

i slowly keep all my thing, i tried hard to not let my tears drop, and told my colleague that i have to take leave, by the time my tears fallen without control. I drove back home, all of us except dad were home, we didn't talk to each other, no ones are crying, we just keep silent, till mom settle Cookie meals and we went to grandma home.

i suprised lot of people and including myself that i didn't cry out loud as everyone are imagaine, i even not seeing my grandma who sleeping in the coffin, i only sat down and flipping the Chinese traditional "money" for dead people, for continuosly 5 hours.

lot of friends and family members reached grandma home, and lot of people cried out loud beside the coffin, yet some of them, especially who cried the loudest one i had never seen them come to visit grandma while she was in hospital, not even once, i wondered why they are feel so sad or they are just affaird if they do not ACT so, my grandma's soul will come back and find them.

of course some of those "relatives" trying to hints to mum how can i acted so cool as grandma really pampered me a lot when i was small, and they picky on everything and anything on the funeral, like the "paper house and car" (burn for dead people) weren't fancy enough and etc. I wonder is it really important? We don't know if grandma can really receive it, this is just traditional and we do respect my grandma wished as she wants us to do so for her.

my dad ignored all those rumors and complaints by those so-called relatives, he told me grandma will understand who are really upset for her leaving, and who aren't not. Grandma's body was weak while in hospital but her mind was very clear, she knew who came to hospital accompany her everyday, she knew who hold her hand while she was slept, she knew who rushed here and there for her since she fall sick. She know.

in the 3rd day, know as the last day of the funeral, i only walked by the coffin and see for the one last time before nailed the conffin. Everyone rushed near the coffin, crying loud and yelling why my grandma gone without seeing their one last time, me and my family including uncles only stand behind those person, dropping our tears silently. And that's the 2nd time in my life i saw my dad cried.

frankly, i feel release when i heard of grandma has passed away, just because i know how suffering of her sickness, she cant even breath well, nor talk. I remember she told me so "SanSan, grandma feel want to give up, i'm really suffering." She took 5 minutes to constructed this sentences to me, i told her don't give up, or i'll have another extra ticket for my graduation ceremony. "you all go, take photo, show to me later on." She answered me so.

She never know such sentences be able to make me cry along the way back home from hospital.

Popo, Ai Em Hiao Mong Ji E Tong Ai Kong A Wa, E Fong Xim Hi.


Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia
20081208, 1237pm
Rach in missing grandma mood.