Recovering Journey Part 4

I stayed at home in the last Saturday, and do nothing.

I should start to be alone without let myself fall into depression.

I used to be alone, i love to be alone in fact, of course i don't hate to be with my friends. Just.. when i was alone, i feel comfortable with do what i want to do, go anywhere i want to go.

But ever since that happened, i just cant be alone, i trying to made myself as tired as possible, go to have much fun as possible. I just cant be alone, i will feel i'm so stupid to get myself into such loneliness.

I actually planned to go Batu Cave or Sungai Tua Waterfall alone in the Saturday, but i ended up staying at home, decided to give on last chance to cry and release all my sadness and depression.

but..

I wasn't drop even a tear.

I remembered i read a lyric of a song by singing that the sadnest is crying without tear.

I don't know if i'm just exactly like the lyric, but I hope maybe i still haunting by the fact that he told me last Monday, or i'm not accepting yet that i'm such a fool for him, which he told me he'll never fool me.

Anyway this is not the main of this entry.

Finally, the one has the closest relationship with me had appear at last. The cousin, Elaine Yap.

She was busy with her final exam in this 2 weeks, and she just ignored me.

I kinda used to it, forever she depends on me, like i never need her shoulder.

Yea Ling, i'm complaining. And i tell you what, i hate you in the last 2 weeks. Of course you know i won't hate you long, as long as you spend a little bit time for me from your revision, you know i cant angry you long. *sigh*..

She texted me for drink in the Saturday night, we didn't chat much when having drink, she probably knew i'm not happy with her and i'm still in bad mood. But slowly i feel uncomfortable for the silent situation, i started to talk a bit just for let her know, i'm ok to talk with.

*Ling, i'm tired sometime la.. I'm not tough, i wish to be a little girl and play with my temper too. Can you please care my feeling more? I thought you know how hurt am i this time? I know you're busy with your final year exam, but if say like you're busy till you've no time to send me a simple texted message nor a msn message to make sure i'm ok once within this 2 weeks, this is somehow i cant tolerant with. You let me feel i'm the spare once again.*

After the drinkin session, i told her i want to go out of KL.

She said ok, lets go.

Then we drove all the way to Putrajaya, from Kepong, with my hubby kelisa, speed up to 130km/h, in half hour we reached there.

Not showing off i have good driving skill. I don't have.

Not telling i'm speeder. I'm good driver, except this time.

Not saying that Kelisa could speed fast. It freaked us out when we felt like flying when speeding up.

But i am trying to conclude that i'm upset, i'm depress. I only do such crazy-idiot-childish thing whenever i feel not right.

The crazinest is, i actually sat in the middle of the road. I don't need a photo to prove it. I believe all of my friends will trust me would do that, as long as i'm not alright.

Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia
20090504, 0927pm

Rach in want to out of KL mood again.